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hikarunogoHappy Hikago Day! Under the cut is the the (unfinished) sequel to my really silly AlphaGo fic, It's the End of the World as We Know It (And It's All Yang Hai's Fault)
Abandon All Moku, Ye Who Play Go Here
Waya gave a great big inward sigh as he surveyed the slaughter on the board in front of him. Look at that. He was losing by like five hundred to one. That score wasn't even mathematically possible in Go. But then, he was pretty sure his opponent was actually AlphaGo in disguise, and AlphaGo had kind of destroyed Go for everyone, ever, so why not lose five hundred to one.
Seated across from him, Isumi frowned.
"Do you think leaving this atari alone is all right?" Isumi frowned some more. "I think you should rethink that move, friend."
Waya looked up into Isumi's blue, almost silvery eyes, into the concentric tilt of them. What did that even mean, he wondered? The concentric tilt. Well, whatever it meant, that's what Isumi's eyes looked like. Weird, freaky and indescribable.
"I resign," said Waya.
"No, wait, you can still..."
"I resign from life," said Waya, sighing inwardly again.
"You can't do that either."
"Why do you care?"
"Because I'm your friend?"
Isumi sure didn't sound like a world-eating robot monster on most days. Waya sighed again, outwordly this time.
"Whatever you're doing, just get on with it," he said with a vapid lurch to one side. "I'm tired of losing by a gazillion points every single game to you, okay? If you want to take over the world, stop mucking around and take over the damn world."
"What are you even talking about?" Isumi's eyes glinted silvery again, but his voice was still that familiar brand of Isumi-san-bewildered. "It's not like you to be so down after losing a few games."
"A few hundred games," Waya muttered.
"Just tell me what's wrong. I can't read your mind."
"Yet."
"Waya," Isumi finally starting to sound impatient, "I am getting kind of impatient with you."
"Why, did I finally do enough annoying stuff to turn on your impatience protocol?"
"What does that even mean?"
"You're a machine, that's what it means!" Waya exploded. "You're the goddamn machine that's ruining everything we ever worked for in our lives and making it, making our Go, into a pale shadow of flimsy cardboard crappiness compared to...to..." Waya felt his anger wobbling, and his voice too, "...to your stupidly beautiful robot Go, which is so obviously superior to ours."
Isumi's silvery robot eyes went wide. "Um. Are you hitting on me?"
"No," said a slightly oily, slightly accented voice. "But I might."
Waya practically jumped up out of his seat, but actually he didn't do that. He couldn't, because we wasn't in a seat. He was seated directly on the tatami of his apartment so he just fell over instead. His calves cramped a little--he'd been in seiza way too long and without any kind of cushioning. He should have used some cushions.
Anyway, the reason he'd gotten all surprised like that was because Yang Hai's head had appeared at his window. Also, Waya's window was like three stories off the ground and that mean Yang Hai was flying?
"I'm not flying or anything," said Yang Hai reassuringly. "I'm just standing on air," he added less reassuringly.
"Oh," said Isumi faintly.
"And I'm here to kill you," Yang Hai also added.
Waya decided he needed to flip out.
He flipped out.
(But not like out the window or anything.)
------
It turned out that Yang Hai had been standing on an air mattress with an airplane under it. A very quiet, steady airplane. But the airplane had been almost out of fuel so Yang Hai leapt off the air mattress+airplane (the whole contraption spiralled to the ground and exploded in a fiery cataclysm) then landed his way into Waya's apartment through the window.
"What the hell was that," said Waya.
"Thanks to the powers of AlphaGo, all sorts of new technology is now totally possible," Yang Hai said quite rudely, since AlphaGo was in the room.
He gave Isumi a pointed Look.
Isumi just Looked non-plussed. "I still don't know why everyone keeps looking at me like that."
"Like you're an ultra powerful robot overlord ready to take over the world?"
"Yes, like that."
"Because you are an ultra powerful robot overlord ready to take over the world."
"I'm not."
Yang Hai gave Waya a Look.
"What does that Look mean?" said Isumi. "I can see you doing it, you know."
"He doesn't know," said Waya, realization dawning on him like the sun currently rising in the east (he'd had Isumi over at his apartment really early that morning). "He's like, the son of god but god didn't bother to give him the memo."
"That changes things," said Yang Hai.
"Does it?" said Waya.
"It means I don't need to kill him just yet."
Now Isumi gave Yang Hai a Look. "That's twice you've made that joke now. I assume it's a joke."
"Yeah, let's assume that." Yang Hai dangled one gangly arm over Isumi's shoulders. "You and me, we best buds, yeah?"
"Best buds when you give me free rent and free lessons at the Chinese Go Institute, yes."
"Oh, so you want to stay over at my pad again? Sure, I can do that for you. Just promise to help me with my project."
Isumi's silvery (but still somehow Isumi-y) eyes did an eerie, corruscating dance. "You mean you want to give me access to your Artificial Intelligence Initiative? Yes, I would be most interested in that."
Yang Hai's smile visibly drooped a little. But then he pasted it back on with some metaphorical glue. "Okay. I'm sure it's worth the risk."
It wasn't.
---------------------
"Stop doing that," said Waya to Isumi.
"Doing what?"
"Playing god."
"But that's what we do when we play Go."
Abandon All Moku, Ye Who Play Go Here
Waya gave a great big inward sigh as he surveyed the slaughter on the board in front of him. Look at that. He was losing by like five hundred to one. That score wasn't even mathematically possible in Go. But then, he was pretty sure his opponent was actually AlphaGo in disguise, and AlphaGo had kind of destroyed Go for everyone, ever, so why not lose five hundred to one.
Seated across from him, Isumi frowned.
"Do you think leaving this atari alone is all right?" Isumi frowned some more. "I think you should rethink that move, friend."
Waya looked up into Isumi's blue, almost silvery eyes, into the concentric tilt of them. What did that even mean, he wondered? The concentric tilt. Well, whatever it meant, that's what Isumi's eyes looked like. Weird, freaky and indescribable.
"I resign," said Waya.
"No, wait, you can still..."
"I resign from life," said Waya, sighing inwardly again.
"You can't do that either."
"Why do you care?"
"Because I'm your friend?"
Isumi sure didn't sound like a world-eating robot monster on most days. Waya sighed again, outwordly this time.
"Whatever you're doing, just get on with it," he said with a vapid lurch to one side. "I'm tired of losing by a gazillion points every single game to you, okay? If you want to take over the world, stop mucking around and take over the damn world."
"What are you even talking about?" Isumi's eyes glinted silvery again, but his voice was still that familiar brand of Isumi-san-bewildered. "It's not like you to be so down after losing a few games."
"A few hundred games," Waya muttered.
"Just tell me what's wrong. I can't read your mind."
"Yet."
"Waya," Isumi finally starting to sound impatient, "I am getting kind of impatient with you."
"Why, did I finally do enough annoying stuff to turn on your impatience protocol?"
"What does that even mean?"
"You're a machine, that's what it means!" Waya exploded. "You're the goddamn machine that's ruining everything we ever worked for in our lives and making it, making our Go, into a pale shadow of flimsy cardboard crappiness compared to...to..." Waya felt his anger wobbling, and his voice too, "...to your stupidly beautiful robot Go, which is so obviously superior to ours."
Isumi's silvery robot eyes went wide. "Um. Are you hitting on me?"
"No," said a slightly oily, slightly accented voice. "But I might."
Waya practically jumped up out of his seat, but actually he didn't do that. He couldn't, because we wasn't in a seat. He was seated directly on the tatami of his apartment so he just fell over instead. His calves cramped a little--he'd been in seiza way too long and without any kind of cushioning. He should have used some cushions.
Anyway, the reason he'd gotten all surprised like that was because Yang Hai's head had appeared at his window. Also, Waya's window was like three stories off the ground and that mean Yang Hai was flying?
"I'm not flying or anything," said Yang Hai reassuringly. "I'm just standing on air," he added less reassuringly.
"Oh," said Isumi faintly.
"And I'm here to kill you," Yang Hai also added.
Waya decided he needed to flip out.
He flipped out.
(But not like out the window or anything.)
------
It turned out that Yang Hai had been standing on an air mattress with an airplane under it. A very quiet, steady airplane. But the airplane had been almost out of fuel so Yang Hai leapt off the air mattress+airplane (the whole contraption spiralled to the ground and exploded in a fiery cataclysm) then landed his way into Waya's apartment through the window.
"What the hell was that," said Waya.
"Thanks to the powers of AlphaGo, all sorts of new technology is now totally possible," Yang Hai said quite rudely, since AlphaGo was in the room.
He gave Isumi a pointed Look.
Isumi just Looked non-plussed. "I still don't know why everyone keeps looking at me like that."
"Like you're an ultra powerful robot overlord ready to take over the world?"
"Yes, like that."
"Because you are an ultra powerful robot overlord ready to take over the world."
"I'm not."
Yang Hai gave Waya a Look.
"What does that Look mean?" said Isumi. "I can see you doing it, you know."
"He doesn't know," said Waya, realization dawning on him like the sun currently rising in the east (he'd had Isumi over at his apartment really early that morning). "He's like, the son of god but god didn't bother to give him the memo."
"That changes things," said Yang Hai.
"Does it?" said Waya.
"It means I don't need to kill him just yet."
Now Isumi gave Yang Hai a Look. "That's twice you've made that joke now. I assume it's a joke."
"Yeah, let's assume that." Yang Hai dangled one gangly arm over Isumi's shoulders. "You and me, we best buds, yeah?"
"Best buds when you give me free rent and free lessons at the Chinese Go Institute, yes."
"Oh, so you want to stay over at my pad again? Sure, I can do that for you. Just promise to help me with my project."
Isumi's silvery (but still somehow Isumi-y) eyes did an eerie, corruscating dance. "You mean you want to give me access to your Artificial Intelligence Initiative? Yes, I would be most interested in that."
Yang Hai's smile visibly drooped a little. But then he pasted it back on with some metaphorical glue. "Okay. I'm sure it's worth the risk."
It wasn't.
---------------------
"Stop doing that," said Waya to Isumi.
"Doing what?"
"Playing god."
"But that's what we do when we play Go."
