Reflections after chapter 60
Oct. 12th, 2023 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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hikarunogoSai was Hikaru's other half, his soulmate, his most cherished person*, but he didn't realize this until he was gone.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-12 07:06 pm (UTC)The whole thing between Sai and Hikaru is like this poem:
"For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: “It might have been!”
By John Greenleaf Whittier
no subject
Date: 2023-10-12 07:40 pm (UTC)Why didn't you take Sai to see Torajiro's grave before? Why didn't you let him play more? Why didn't you tell him that you loved him?
Because you thought you had all the time in the world and woke up one day realizing that it had ran out before your eyes. Like sand it disappeared in between your fingers and only regrets are left
These regrets haunt you forever and he's just 14
I'm sad
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 02:03 pm (UTC)A kid wouldn't understand or accept it. Hikaru was very young and Sai was emotionally immature too. I think he was only 26 or so when he died and he'd spent all his life just playing Go.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 02:46 pm (UTC)I thought Sai was like, 20 or younger. He acts too young. That's why is so tragic, at the end even if they made mistakes it was not their fault, they were too young to know any better
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 03:54 pm (UTC)Sai was a geek XD There was this meta speculating on Sai's family background and life. He wasn't the first son of his family at least or they'd never let him waste his life by playing Go.
I wouldn't say it was a mistake really. More like that was the time they had together in this life.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 04:33 pm (UTC)Mayhaps there was nothing they could have done to postpone their goodbye, but they could have done a lot more so that their last meeting hadn't end in such a sour note. A bit of closure
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 04:44 pm (UTC)Maybe I should re-watch the anime again....
no subject
Date: 2023-10-12 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-12 07:44 pm (UTC)They were friends, they were brothers, they were the same, they were confidents, they were each other's support, they didn't really knew each other and were too self absorbed to learn, they didn't want to get separated but they did
A part of Hikaru died with Sai
no subject
Date: 2023-10-13 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-27 03:16 pm (UTC)This part was just so... painfully real. I know Sai's already dead, but still this was a death, and it came like death so often comes, without a warning or any regard for things that are left unfinished. (Well, Sai did have his premonitions, of course... but still.) I'm still impressed at how beautifully Hikaru no go depicts the pain of loss. It hits as hard now as it did, I don't know, 15 or so years ago when I first read this.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-28 08:29 am (UTC)Sai was dead but he was also so lively! You can really feel his abscence :c it didn't feel like he was dead because he was *there*, until he wasn't
I think the lack of closure is the most painful part to me, Hikaru will probably think on every mean thing he said to Sai, forever.
I felt Hikaru's pain, and he, seems to have very bad coping mechanisms :s he was NOT okay by the time the anime ended