Reflections after chapter 60
Oct. 12th, 2023 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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hikarunogoSai was Hikaru's other half, his soulmate, his most cherished person*, but he didn't realize this until he was gone.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-27 03:16 pm (UTC)This part was just so... painfully real. I know Sai's already dead, but still this was a death, and it came like death so often comes, without a warning or any regard for things that are left unfinished. (Well, Sai did have his premonitions, of course... but still.) I'm still impressed at how beautifully Hikaru no go depicts the pain of loss. It hits as hard now as it did, I don't know, 15 or so years ago when I first read this.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-28 08:29 am (UTC)Sai was dead but he was also so lively! You can really feel his abscence :c it didn't feel like he was dead because he was *there*, until he wasn't
I think the lack of closure is the most painful part to me, Hikaru will probably think on every mean thing he said to Sai, forever.
I felt Hikaru's pain, and he, seems to have very bad coping mechanisms :s he was NOT okay by the time the anime ended